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Thursday, April 29, 2004

The Greatest Jerk of All Time
We've handed out "Jerk of the Week" around here. Usually, it goes to modestly jerky behavior: guys or gals who commit routine, average jerkish acts.

But this guy, Rene Gonzalez, has simply redefined the act of being a jerk. He has taken it to a whole new level. He went zooming by the Barry Bonds level. He left Michael Jordan in the dust. Gretzky? A pedestrian in terms of skill when it comes to Rene's skill level at being a total jerk. Rene has moved past mere mortality into a realm that we cannot really conceive of. It's like he flew in with his jerkiness from the exploding planet of Krypton, the sun energizing the very molecules in his body, causing him to be some sort of indescribable SuperJerk.

I really don't know how to handle this -- Jerk of the Week? He deserves so much more. The year? The Decade? The Century? Even those don't get it. Jerk of the Millenium doesn't even cover it.

Rene can only be described as the biggest jerk in the history of the Universe, Krypton include.

Congratulations, Rene.

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