Wednesday, February 01, 2006
I know, I know, this has been all over the blogosphere. But, what the heck, they made me laugh ...
- If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
- Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
- Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
- Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
- If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
- Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
- 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
- Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
- Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.
- Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
- Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless you tell him to do something he doesn't want to.
- Everytime Jack Bauer yells "NOW!" at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.
- As a child, Jack Bauer's first words were "There's no time!"
- Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
- Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
- When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
- Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
- Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
- The only reason you are conscious is because Jack Bauer doesn’t feel like carrying you.
- You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
- Jack Bauer can get McDonald’s breakfast after 10:30.
- People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
- Jack Bauer makes onions cry.
- Jack Bauer would have gotten the ring to Mordor in 24 hours.
- Jack Bauer knows where Carmen Sandiego is.
- Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.
- When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
- Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.