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Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Jack Bauer

I know, I know, this has been all over the blogosphere. But, what the heck, they made me laugh ...

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.
Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless you tell him to do something he doesn't want to.
Everytime Jack Bauer yells "NOW!" at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.
As a child, Jack Bauer's first words were "There's no time!"
Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
The only reason you are conscious is because Jack Bauer doesn’t feel like carrying you.
You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
Jack Bauer can get McDonald’s breakfast after 10:30.
People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer makes onions cry.
Jack Bauer would have gotten the ring to Mordor in 24 hours.
Jack Bauer knows where Carmen Sandiego is.
Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.
When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.

posted by Gary at 18:13 | [Permalink] (0) comments

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